Sunday, July 20, 2014

The last time I posted on my blog was the day before my mother went into the hospital. I feel like so much has happened since then that I don't even feel like the same person writing this blog. I guess I should give a description of the last few months. On May 11th my mom was taken to Bingham Memorial Hospital in Blackfoot for what we assumed was a blocked bowel. By the next day, things had become worse and my mom was rushed by ambulance to the University of Utah hospital. They were going to life flight her, but couldn't because of the high winds. She spent the next 8 days at the hospital and was released on May 20th. She was so happy and called me to tell me that she was free and that she loved the smell of the fresh air. Sadly, this was short lived. Eighteen hours later, my mom was back at the University of Utah hospital with major pain. They did tests and discovered that she had a bowel that had burst and they needed to do emergency surgery on May 22nd. I was on a field trip and was not able to make it down to Utah before my mom went into surgery. She got out of surgery at almost 1 am on the 23rd. When I went in to see her, she was intubated. She spent the next week heavily sedated. She had 5 surgeries in 10 days, as they tried to clean her out and repair her small bowel. Finally on June 1st, they were able to get her closed. During that week, they had to put in a tracheostomy, because of the risk of infection she would be fighting. They discovered an abscess that they had to go in and drain. They also had to trim her wound many times because of dying tissues and infections. Finally on June 19th, my mom got moved from the University of Utah hospital to the Promise Hospital (Long-term Acute Care), which was located on the fourth floor of the LDS Hospital. My mom began to improve greatly! Things began to look up and so I spent about a week and a half at my house and didn't visit as often. I needed to try to "have a summer." The week of the 4th of July, we went to Utah to spend time with my mom. She was on a speaking valve finally and I could hear her beautiful voice for the first time since May 20th. Her voice was so soothing and I had missed hearing it. Even though it didn't sound exactly like my mom, it sounded enough like her that I was so excited to listen to her. I spent two nights with her that week. The first night was great, but the second night was so frustrating for my mom. I believe this was the night that she started to get sick. I know I shouldn't, but I somewhat blame myself for being so frustrated with her fears. On the 4th, we had a special family party! We made glow sticks into "fireworks" and "sparklers," so mom could celebrate with us. It was an amazing time!!!  Who knew then that it would be the last holiday we ever spent with my mom?! Who knew that that would be the last time I would see my mom smile?! On July 7th, I told my mom that Emily and I would be going back to Blackfoot and probably wouldn't be back for a few weeks. I remember her rolling her eyes and her looking so sad! Emily promised my mom that she would come back on Thursday and my mom seemed to feel better with that decision. That night my mom's heart paused and she had to be shaken in order for it to restart. They had to put her back on the ventilator to try to get her heart to beat in rhythm. The next morning my dad called and Emily and I made arrangements to go back sooner. We decided to leave on Wednesday to go back. Again Tuesday night, my mom's heart paused. Again she had to have her heart restarted by being shook. On Wednesday, I had lunch with Shawnii. I told her that I thought we would be having a funeral the next week. I just couldn't shake that feeling, despite the feelings of my family members. We got down late Wednesday night and decided to both sleep with my mom. My mom wasn't feeling well that night, but she still was mouthing things to Emily and I and she was writing notes to the nurse. In the middle of the night at 4:30, my mom was in a panic. Her heart rate shot up to 150 beats/min. Her blood pressure was 175 over 78. They wanted to give her Oxycodon, but she refused. They gave her a little Ativan to help with the anxiety and she was able to sleep for an hour. About 5:30, my mom woke up and her heart was in the 160 to 170 beats/min range. She was scared. She looked at Emily and I and gave each of us an "I love you" sign. Then they gave her some meds and she passed out. This was the last thing my mom did consciously. About then, my mom's left side of her face began to droop. The nurses were worried she had had a stroke. They gave her medicine to slow down her heart rate and blood pressure over about an hour's time. Then they moved her rooms and she slept. She slept her last day away (July 10th). During this time, they discovered she had sepsis and so they started to treat her with antibiotics. Then they scoped her lungs and discovered she had pneumonia. The doctor called and said that he didn't think she would live through it. We joined together as a family. We even had Mary and Brian come from Rexburg and DelMar, Karla, Jenny, and Kim come from Millville. After a while, everybody began to leave. My dad, Mary, and I were the only ones there. By then my mom's blood pressure was 60 over 30 and they had to give her medicine to bring it back up. My mom's temperature had hit 106.5. I began to ask the nurse questions. I asked her, "If my mom survives this, will she have brain damage? Do we have any hope?" The nurse told us that we should always keep hope, but medically it would be almost impossible to come back from all of the issues she had. We called Becki, James, and Brian back to the hospital. We had family prayer and gave my mom a blessing. While we were contemplating everything, my mom began to cough up blood. We called the nurse in and told her we were ready. While she called the doctor to get the medicines ordered, so she could be taken off the ventilator, we played "My Sweet Lady" for my mom and we all cried especially when it got to the part, "Close your eyes and rest your weary mind. I promise I will stay right here beside you..." Then the nurse came in and gave her morphine and ativan and then they unplugged her machines. It was silent for 5 minutes as my mom struggled to breathe. As she struggled to breathe, a peace filled the room and we knew we were surrounded by angels and loved ones who had gone before. My mom coughed and then took her final breath. She stopped breathing at 2:42 am, but was declared dead at 2:45 am on July 11th. We stayed with my mom until 4 am, crying and holding my mom's hand. My dad kissed her forehead and my heart broke! Oh how he loved my mom!!! Oh how we loved my mom!! We slowly gathered her things from the 2 month stay in the hospital. As we left the hospital, nurses who had helped my mom hugged us and we thanked them for all their efforts. They actually gave me the stethoscope and told me to become a nurse, which I have considered since that time. The next week was a blur. We planned the funeral and had many visitors from friends. I had some of my dear friends the Wamplers come visit me in Kearns. I also had many of the kids I graduated high school with, bring me flowers and a beautiful Simon Dewey picture of Christ. The daughters did her nails, makeup, and hair, along with our dear friend, Paula Brady. We also got to give the life sketch together and it was a special tribute that I will never forget! When we buried mom, I went over and touched her casket for the last time and said my good byes. I miss my mom so very much! Tonight it feels like I might break in two! I still am filled with the peace that only the Spirit can bring! I know more than ever that the gospel of Jesus Christ is the true and everlasting gospel! I know that the Savior did and does feel my pain and He will carry me! I know that my mom is so happy to be with her daughters, my sisters, Christina, Sarah, and Rachel! What a great reunion they had! Also, I know how happy she is to be with her parents and her sister and brother-in-law! I have felt the power of the Atonement working in my life and I have felt the prayers of countless individuals helping to sustain our family! Oh how blessed we are! Thank you for reading!

1 comment:

  1. Oh Lizzy! I'm just sitting here in my quiet house crying with and for you. What a hard struggle the last few months. And it's not over yet either. But, you are right--she probably had a wonderful reunion with her other 3 girls! This has been such a crazy/spring and summer for you. I have kept you and your family in my prayers and I'll continue to do that. Thank you for sharing the whole experience. Love you Lizzy!

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