I am discouraged today. I attended my new family ward for the first time today. I felt lost and forgotten most of the day, not because people didn't reach out to me, but because I do not belong. The part that was the hardest was during the Relief Society lesson when they discussed why young people are not getting married and it was suggested that it was because they did not want to get married. That could not be further from the truth in my case. All I have ever wanted to do was to get married and have a family, but it hasn't happened for me yet. I have tried so desperately to be righteous and to be faithful in my callings and temple attendance in hopes that the Lord would bless me with the opportunity to marry and have children. Oh how I want an eternal companion! I know the teacher wasn't meaning to be hurtful and so I am not offended, but I wish that people could occasionally see into the hearts of others and be wise in their actions. In Sacrament Meeting, the scripture from Matthew was mentioned about the fallen sparrow. As I was trying to find the passage on lds.org today, I found a talk written in 1997 by President Thomas S. Monson that spoke to me. It is entitled, "The Spirit Giveth Life." I needed to hear it today and I assume others are struggling out there today. I know my life is not hard, in comparison to some, but I know we each face trials sometimes stronger than we feel we can bear and in those times, we feel utterly alone, as I have been feeling recently. Not only has my mom passed away, but my sister moved out to live with my dad. I am living alone, attending church alone, working at a school where people do not know me, and feeling forgotten in so many ways! I needed to hear this quote today.

"In a day of danger or a time of trial, such knowledge, such hope, such understanding bring comfort to the troubled mind and grieving heart. The entire message of the New Testament breathes a spirit of awakening to the human soul. Shadows of despair are dispelled by rays of hope, sorrow yields to joy, and the feeling of being lost in the crowd of life vanishes with the certain knowledge that our Heavenly Father is mindful of each of us.

The Savior provided assurance of this truth when He taught that not even a sparrow shall fall to the ground unnoticed by our Father. He then concluded the beautiful thought by saying,

“Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.

“Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven” (see Matt. 10:29–32).

We live in a complex world with daily challenges. There is a tendency to feel detached, even isolated, from the Giver of every good gift. We worry that we walk alone.

From the bed of pain, from the pillow wet with the tears of loneliness, we are lifted heavenward by that divine assurance and precious promise, “I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee” (Josh. 1:5).

Such comfort is priceless as we journey along the pathway of mortality, with its many forks and turnings. Rarely is the assurance communicated by a flashing sign or a loud voice. Rather, the language of the Spirit is gentle, quiet, uplifting to the heart and soothing to the soul."

As I have been grieving for a little over a month, every night I fall asleep quoting "Come, Come Ye Saints." I quote, "Come, come ye saints. No toil, nor labor fear. But with joy, wend your way. Though hard to you, this journey may appear. Grace shall be as your day. 'Tis better far for us to strive, our useless cares from us to drive. Do this, and joy your hearts will swell, all is well, all is well." I repeat  this phrase over and over until I fall asleep. I pray that I may not fear my life's labors and travel my journey with joy! Although my burdens seem heavy, I know that my Father-in-Heaven has sent me His Son, my Savior to help lighten my load. I pray that I might have the Spirit be my constant companion that I might hear his gentle, quiet voice uplifting and soothing my soul. Thanks for reading!

I saw a post on Facebook today that has me thinking. I think that sometimes our weaknesses and trials are also are strengths and visa versa. For instance, as a child I suffered some abuses at the hands of some of my babysitters. I have dealt with this since I was 3 and because of this have many weaknesses. I have a weakness toward discouragement and I lack trust with others. I also have dealt with anger, depression, and social anxiety. Because of the pain I suffered as a child, I also want everybody I meet to feel loved and so I treat everyone with as much love and respect as I can. I try to live my life so that everybody I meet feels loved. The trial that has caused my greatest weakness has also caused my greatest strength, or so I am told. We never know what kind of battles those we meet are fighting and so it is our job to treat everyone with the utmost respect and love. I am not the healthiest person you will ever meet. I am morbidly obese. I have had experiences that have crushed me, because of the judgments of others. One time, I was going to see the lights on Temple Square. I was standing, because there was no sitting room on the train. My nephew and niece were also standing. At one of the stops, my nephew started to fall, so I let go to help him. The people I was standing by made comments and gestures about how the elephant was going to fall on them. Then they laughed and made fun of me for the rest of the trip to Temple Square. My sisters were irate, but I just stared forward trying not to let them know I was broken-hearted. I just sat and watched these BYU shirt-wearing people make fun of me. I was humiliated. I didn't allow myself to cry until later at Temple Square when I knew they weren't around. I didn't want to give them the satisfaction of seeing me cry. How could I be angry? They were right. I am morbidly obese, despite trying hundreds of diet and exercise programs, I still am. It is part of who I am.  But, how could people judge me so harshly when they didn't even know me? My older sister has a few favorite quotes that have helped me through this process. First is, "People are innately good. They do things for a reason. Before you judge, ask why." Second is, "Everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about. Don't judge." I think we need to be mindful of others and their struggles. Our greatest weakness is often our greatest strength! In Ether 12: 27, we read, "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." I believe that our weaknesses and our strengths can be the same thing, at the same time. I
am grateful for my strengths and my weaknesses, but I do pray that my weaknesses disappear some day. Thanks for reading!